DATING TIPS MAILBAG: What Women Want In A Man

DATING TIPS MAILBAG: What Women Want In A Man
By David DeAngelo

***QUESTION***

Hi Dave,

I just bought the advanced CD series & it's amazing what a difference they make over the book. Being able to listen on the way to work, whilst out doing chores, etc. is cool. I can feel the confidence building inside me, it's like my own personal coach.

The C&F doesn't come naturally to me at present so I've taken your advice and am using the internet as a 'woman simulator' in order to practice. I've had mixed results so far, I think a few took the teasing the wrong way as some of them would suddenly stop replying.

I must be better at the C&F than I thought though. The first time I went on this site I was chatting to a few girls and one of them ended up giving me her mobile and asking if we could go for coffee before I had chance to. Anyway my question: You suggest that a date should simply be 'tea & stimulating conversation', which for all of the reasons you give makes perfect sense to me. But once I've done the tea & conversation with this girl, do you have any suggestions for other dates where I can come across as the 'lover' instead of the 'provider'. The only one where I wouldn't end up having to shell out (buy her stuff) that I can think of is a walk along the river or something, but that's rather dependant on the weather.

Thanks for changing my life.

AIB - London UK


>>>MY COMMENTS:

Yea, well you're welcome for the "changing your life" thing. Glad to help.

Now, you're kind of mixing up a couple of concepts that I never intended to "depend" on one another...

If you want to know where to take a woman for dates, that shouldn't be confused with whether or not you come across as a "lover" personality, and not a "provider" personality to her.

Let me ask you something... what is a "date"?

What do you think that the purpose of a "date" is?

Now, I call my material "Double Your Dating", but what I DON'T mean is "take women out to dinner twice as much as you used to".

The word "Dating" is simply a word that all of us guys understand to mean "romantic interactions with women".

So I use it.

But if you want to have more romantic interactions with women, that does NOT mean that you need to "take women out on dates" in order to do it.

Are you with me?

I mean, what do couples do a year after they get together...?

They stay home most of the time, do normal things like go shopping, and generally behave like they did before they met.

This whole "going out to dinner" ritual is really an amazing concept. It's awesome how powerful it is... and how guys really believe that they need to do it (or similar things) in order to get a woman's attention in a romantic way.

Here's the bottom line:

If you want a woman to think of you as a "lover", then BE ONE.

If you want her to think of you as a provider, then just BE ONE.

What you haven't quite realized fully yet is that when you know how to trigger ATTRACTION in a woman, all the "normal" rules go away.

If a woman feels that powerful emotional ATTRACTION for you, then she'll do ANYTHING with you... just to be in your presence and have your attention.

If you have dialed up the ATTRACTION, then all you need to say is "come over here".

No dates required.

Now, if you buy her dinner 10 times, call her 3 times a day, and chase her around, then it will be EXPECTED that you continue this pattern... and provide for her.

NOTE: If you're buying a woman dinner twice a week, giving her flowers, calling her every day, and basically "chasing" her, then you can be about 80% sure that there's another guy in the picture... but guess what? He's the one who SHE calls, and he's the one who says "Come over later, I'm busy now"... no dates required.

If you want to be a LOVER to a woman, then DO IT.

You don't need to wait until the third time out for coffee or tea.

You'll learn that ATTRACTION doesn't have a timeline.

It happens VERY QUICKLY, if you know how to trigger it... and you don't need a lot of "date ideas" once you do.

And now that I've avoided your question for a page or two, let me answer with this:

I often take women to do "regular" things with me. I'll take them to the grocery store to shop with me, out to the mall to pick things up, and down to the bookstore to buy a book.

First, start BEING the LOVER immediately.

Then, notice how women DON'T CARE what you do together, as long as she's with you.


***SUCCESS STORY***

David,

Just wanted to say that after reading your material, I experienced a mental shift. I now see situations in terms of: was I self-referenced (C & F Man) or externally referenced (wussie boy)? It is now very clear that success in anything comes to leaders not followers and women hate dealing with followers. For example look at little boys dealing with little girls when they are playing together. They boss them around, make them play by their rules and those girls grow up expecting men to lead them. Just watch any John Garfield or Lee Marvin movie. Leaders get the girl, wussies get to be used and discarded. I've made my choice.

Thanks David
E from Chi

>>>MY COMMENTS:

Good. Now help me get the word out to the other 3 billion guys on the planet.

You're right. Women don't like men who are FOLLOWERS.

Women aren't ATTRACTED to men who are FOLLOWERS.

But guess what? Most men FOLLOW anyway.

Thanks for reminding us that we need to LEAD. Leading creates ATTRACTION. Following creates the curious dry feeling.


***SUCCESS STORY***

Dave-- I definitely have to give it to you. You are "da shizznitt", lol. Your DYD dvd series has really changed my entire life. I now feel like I am in control of "My World". I was a little hesitant about buying your product... but I just said "What the Hell...What can I loose???" I am military and in my spare time I am a bartender. You know what that means... I see females out the izzass, lol. I was working one night and a female came up to one of my fellow bartenders to order something and while getting her drink... she asked told him... " all these guys are staring at me. Do you think i'm cute?" Now normally if I were in his shoes and hadn't learned what you taught me... I would have melted and told her that she was the finest thing to step foot on this base... case in point...that was what he said. He just bent down unzipped his pants and practically handed her his nuts. Hence, her hands being the nutcracker. I interrupted them while he was "dazed and confused" and told her "Actually they're looking at that big pimple on your forehead. She stopped and turned towards me and laughed and hit me on the arm. Then I told her not to get mad cuz I was cuter than she. She smiled and for some odd reason... she could not keep herself away from the bar. I just pretended that she was one of my friends that I tease all the time and just called her on everything that she did. Man... I couldn't believe that she was really eating this up!!! The other bartender that she was talking to first, couldn't believe that I was doing this!!! He.... for some odd reason didn't GET what was going on... It was like jets flying over his head. And to show that his nuts belonged to her... he just kept trying to compliment her. She just glanced at him smiled and quickly turned her head to pay him no mind. I got her e-mail and number and she has been like putty in my hands for the past three months. I have to give it to you, Dave. You da man!!! I'm not a selfish person...so I gave him your e-mail address and hopefully he'll get your system and realize what he's been doing wrong. I should give him her e-mail address so that he can ask for his balls back, lol. But... for those who have doubts about Dave's system... I'm living proof of success.

Thanks Dave!!!

JR - Mexico


>>>MY COMMENTS:

OK, first of all, I think that you must have some kind of bizarre NUT OBSESSION, dude.

And it's not right.

But hey, fortunately you're on the right side of the "don't hand them over" equation, so everything seems like it might be all right for you.

You've given some great examples of how to get an attractive woman's attention, tease her, and play with her to "spark" that initial sexual tension and "chemistry".

Now make sure you keep it up so you're not writing me in 3 more months with the "She used the Trojan Horse De-Nutting Technique" on me.


***QUESTION***

Hey Man, What has happened to women's standards? All the beautiful babes with no neck dorks! I am a good looking guy and I can't even get a phone number. They go out with guys that weigh like 300 lbs and dress like slobs. I wear nice clothes and drive a nice car and I can't get a single date. Maybe it is where I live. In order to get a date I will have to gain 200 lbs and have someone break my nose so I am ugly enough for some girl to date me. American girls suck! They have no taste anymore!

I give up!


>>>MY COMMENTS:

No, I think that the problem is that you whine like a whipped Bitch.

Women can smell a "victim" attitude 100 miles away, and it IS NOT ATTRACTIVE.

Women's "standards" are just fine.

The problem isn't them, it's YOU.

Now do yourself a favor and quit ACTING like a little girl, and DO SOMETHING about your situation.

What, do you think that all the average and ugly guys out there who have HOT girlfriends are getting them by being ugly?

The answer is "No, they're not".

These guys are getting the babes because they know how to make the women feel ATTRACTION.

Trust me, I know quite a few guys who are NOT exactly the picture of "handsome"... but these guys get a lot of women.

Why?

Because they KNOW HOW.

Now quit whining, and go LEARN.


***SUCCESS STORY***

Dear Dr. D, Just wanted to drop you a quick note. I am a 34 year old and divorced using your E-book to learn how to get back into the game. Since I was raised by my parents to be a nice guy, submissive, wussy, it has been a challenge to overcome these self-destructive traits---but I am gaining ground every day. Also, I don't have any natural ability for C&F. For the most part I am quiet and reserved----so I have needed to re-train myself in that area also. You have given me a good start by explaining attraction and what women want.

I want to stress the importance of "practice". It's the only way to quickly improve your inner and outer game. What has helped me is practicing on an old girlfriend. I am sure many of your students like me have a woman that just won't let you go from an old relationship. So, I have not completely ended it for sex and companionship and she keeps me around for sex and emotional support.

Anyway----to my amazing weekend: Saturday, I went out with the old girlfriend and busted on her and challenged her on many issues all night. My old self would have shut up and zoned out---not this time. I didn't put up with any of her nonsense. It ended at my place and we had an amazing double session. She is now hooked more than ever even though she knows I am seeing other people. She can't help herself. I have triggered the attraction mechanism and more importantly I know what I did to accomplish that. Sunday I spent the day with a cute girl who had responded to my internet ad. We had only been out once before. I played the game---didn't act overly sexually interested, just enough....I used the C&F when I could, but basically kept cool. She offered to pay our lunch/cocktail bill. My old self would have foolishly denied her offer---thinking I was the man, thinking I was being chivalrous (how foolish ;). This time I accepted without hesitation. Once back at my place I used the start and stop technique. I would get her hot, then I would back off. She would stop my hand from reaching too far so I decided that I wasn't going to push it and that tonight might not be "the night" with her so I was very relaxed. At 10:00 she was getting ready to leave. We started making out while saying goodbye----next thing I know , we were in the bedroom. It was amazing. The fun lasted all night. Today I am tired with a smile on my face. I know it worked out because I put the proper groundwork in place. By turning my sexual advances on and then off-----it really got to her. Acting as if I was evaluating her...the whole thing. Thank you for pointing me in the right direction, I am starting to get it!!! Literally ;)

C
Fort Lauderdale, Fl

>>>MY COMMENTS:

Yea, you really are starting to GET IT.

And you are RIGHT ON.

This stuff takes practice and real-world experience using it before you really "get it".

Too many guys are just too damned overly-analytical, and want to know how to do EVERYTHING before they do ANYTHING.

I used to be this way... and it cost me a lot of time and energy.

It's so amazing to actually get out there and SEE results right in front of your eyes. It gets you excited and willing to try more things... and it prepares you for the future... for situations that are REALLY important.

Get out there and use this stuff.

Start NOW.


***QUESTION***

Dave,

What does it mean when a woman says she wants to "work on herself" before she can have a relationship?

>>>MY COMMENTS:

The literal translation for this is:

"I DON'T FEEL ATTRACTION FOR YOU, BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO TELL YOU WITHOUT HURTING YOUR LITTLE WUSSY BOY GIRLIE FEELINGS."

Any of the following:

"I need time alone right now."

"I need to find me first."

"Let's just be friends for now."

...etc. mean:

"I DON'T FEEL ATTRACTION."

That's the bottom line.

The problem is YOU, not HER.

Don't be surprised if this same girl either IS or STARTS dating another guy seriously soon.

If you're hearing this kind of thing often, then you need to take it as a sign that you're not triggering ATTRACTION inside of women... and, more importantly, that you need to LEARN HOW.

I recommend my Advanced Dating Techniques Program.

This will help eliminate these types of comments from women once and for all.

Here, let me brag for a minute...

I'm sitting here thinking about it, and I can't remember a woman saying one of these things to me in YEARS.



***QUESTION***

Mr. Dave!

You are the man! I have been getting your emails for about 8 months now I belive and have read your book! Just yesterday I was in the store looking at CD's and I noticed these two beautiful girls walking around and they would constantly look over towards me. As I wandered around the store more I noticed that they seemed to always show up wherever I was. So I stopped them and asked the girl that I was more attracted to "Excuse me but i'm going to have to ask you to stop stalking me." She looked at her friend like 'What is this boy talking about' and then she asked me for my name. I immediately answered "Do you really think i'm just going to give my name out to a stalker?" once again she looked like she couldn't believe I was talking to her this way. We talked about five more minutes and then I told her I had to go. She asked me if I wanted her number so we could continue the conversation. I pretended to think about it and then told her "I'm sorry but I'm just going to be way too busy to find time to call you. So If you promise to stop stalking me i'll give you my number and you can try and catch me when I have a few minutes of free time to talk." She eagerly took my number and when I got home about an hour later she had already left a message on my machine to see if I could go out with her this weekend!
I was so happy because I was curious too see if I reversed the three minute phone number to give away my number instead of getting hers would work and it did! Anyway on to my question. As I stated this girl was with a friend at the store who was also very attractive and was there the whole time I was hitting up her friend. Is there anyway in these situations where you can get both girls numbers?

AF- AK

>>>MY COMMENTS:

Nice "reverse stalker" move.

I say things like this to women all the time, and they generally love it.

To answer your question, YES, there's an easy way to get both girls' phone numbers.
ASK.

Then call and ask them BOTH to come join you for a cup of tea.

Kill two birds with one stone.

Then, over tea you can decide which one you like more.

I've had friends who have been in similar situations report back that sometimes both women will like you... and EACH OTHER as well.

I mean, what do you have to lose? 2 minutes of getting a phone number?

Look, your question was based in fear.

Fear that you'd offend one or both of the women, and then lose everything.

The fact is that you never HAD anything.

A phone number is easy to get. If you feel like asking both women for their numbers, do it. If you feel like asking them both to join you for tea, do it.

You get to make the rules.


***SUCCESS STORY***

David,

I received your DVD series about a month ago and have watched it in its entirety a few times. I've noticed a strange circumstance since then, similar to what Napoleon Hill says about how when you choose a definite major purpose in life, ways and means of attaining that purpose seem to magically appear to you. When I've been in situations where I wasn't actually interacting with a woman and laying on the C&F, they've still been acting attracted to me despite the fact that I consciously did NOTHING in these situations. For example:

- A bar/restaurant I hit about once a week has a very hot waitress staff, and one in particular is a Pam Anderson clone who's always being stared at and complimented by all the wussy guys. She's been working at least a dozen times that I've been in there but has never acted like she even noticed me until the last time (since I've watched the DVDs) and she kept looking at me, over and over again, despite the fact that I did NOTHING different. Finally I gave her the "wrinkled brow" suspicious look and she got all self-conscious, said "what?" and I came right back with "if you're gonna be that forward and flirty with me you could've at least done your hair up a little better" and then it was ON!

- I met some friends for happy hour and a very hot chick was sitting at a table holding some guy's hand. Every other guy in the place was staring at her and she was so hot that I even overheard some of the waitresses trashing her. The thing is, I had been watching the DVDs that same day and came walking in with a particularly cocky swagger and the wrinkled brow and she stared me down the whole way in. Then she would not stop looking over at me while she was holding this dude's hand, he was obviously a Wussy since he saw what was going on and did nothing (I guess he's the guy she uses for free dinners while she's banging the real men). At one point she even took the long way to the bathroom to walk by me and flirt but with the Wussy watching there was no op to get the info... hopefully I run into her again.

It's obvious that just watching the DVD series gives one an aura of confidence, since I did nothing in these situations but show up. Kinda like reading Comedy Writing Secrets then suddenly being funnier without actually thinking about it and trying. Simply watching and learning this material opens doors for you without trying!

FR
Phoenix


>>>MY COMMENTS:

Ah, you're tapping into the power of the mind here.

One of the BIG benefits of learning all of the material that I teach in my programs is the changes that naturally occur inside your mind.

Once you see things differently, you begin to BEHAVE differently as well. And it will happen automatically.

Now, I don't mean to sound new-agey here, but this is the reality of the situation.

Women can pick up on subtle body language that most men don't even know EXISTS.
When you start "mentally rehearsing" some of the things you learn from my programs, you will automatically act differently when you're in future situations with women.

Great job, and keep it up.

And make sure you send in some future Success Stories, as I'm sure you're going to have many.


***SUCCESS STORY***

Hey Dave,

Blah blah blah, I shamelessly compliment you, you feel like a deity... there we're done.

Your book would be worth it's weight in gold, even if it were made of lead! I stumbled onto your site by accident. A month before, I was Let's Just BeFriended for being "too nice", and this was with an UGLY thing too! eh... I was desperate. I actually laughed at those "losers" for getting slapped on the arm and called a**hole, and later, I thought the chicks were idiots for dating them!! I'm better now. After reading your book it was like the heavens were parted and g*d HIMself bitch slapped the wuss right out of me! Thanks.

Not only am I getting slapped, bitten, chewed on, and fought over, I am LOVING it too! Just the other day I was in a bookstore, and an old friend (read "hot chick") of mine came in, I thought, 'hey I am here just being my new self, lets try something', so I walked over to her, said hi, and then said "I didn't expect to see a beautiful young woman here" she said "aww that's so sweet" (read "you wussy") but then I did something that has been working really well for me, I busted on her. I said "maybe I still will" Slap on arm, AND big smile. She was wearing this rather large skirt with ruffles, so I said "wow... I didn't know the parachute look was still in" while obviously staring at it. Another slap on arm, this time laughing. Later she asked if I got my hair cut (I hadn't) she said it "whatever it is, its really attractive." There is this coffee shop in the store, so we had "stimulating conversation" a little while went by, and she asked me to go to her car with her, so she could "show me a new piece of art." well needless to say, we are still "appreciating art" together, and its been two months!

So the question is... Will complimenting the ladies then busting on whatever I just complimented work the same as if not complimenting at all?


>>>MY COMMENTS:

Ah, one of my favorites...

Giving a woman a compliment, then putting a backhanded twist on it.

"Wow, your shoes are cute. Did you buy them new?"

"Your hair is pretty. Did your mom do it for you?"

"Nice car. If you're homeless."

Pick up any modern men's magazine and you'll get a bunch of good ideas for this type of thing.

Cocky & Funny can be very powerful once you learn how to use it. Great example, and thank you.


***QUESTION***

Hey Dave, I have been reading your emails and have purchased your ebook and have read and studied from both. I would 'study' areas I felt I was weak in or would that be wussy in, to improve, naturally, but would read everything for as much knowledge as I could absorb. Well, I have a success story but with a slight twist to it. The twist is my success was due to playing off of 2 other guys' failures.

I went to a club in a part of town I normally do not go to. Not that it is a bad part of town I just never thought of going there. I went by myself, so on my own, no one for moral support, in a place I have never been before. Talk about giving your ideas the acid test, this was going to be it. I was looking down at the dance floor getting into the music and noticed behind me two girls sitting at a table. I then noticed 2 guys approach and one started to talk to one of the girls. The other guy was just standing there looking at girl #2 trying to get up the nerve to say something, from what I could tell, since I was that way myself in a not so distant past. I just turned away and didn't pay much attention but after 10 mins or so the same guy talking to girl #1 is not making any headway. Guy 2 still had his wuss game going so no change there. I decided to ask girl # 2 to dance but wanted to get her attention and interest, as well. So I leaned over and said, "While that guy is trying to hustle your friend, whom, I might he is not doing very well, would you like to dance?" Well, this girl just cracked up laughing, she did not want to dance but did want to talk more. She went on to say that there is nothing he could say or do at this point to make her want to dance or go out with him. He just doesn't get it, she said. I went on to say I know it is crowded and a bit loud here but one should understand NO easy enough. She agreed and went on to mention how much of a loser his friend is just standing there. I then remembered a statement someone used in an email of yours and thought I would use it myself. I said to girl #2 "what's that smell, do you smell that?" She replies, "What smell?" I said, "The smell of desperation." Well, Dave, that girl laughed so hard she fell out of her chair. I helped her up and when she told me she had to tell her girl friend that and when she leaned over to talk to her I just turned away and went back to looking at the people dancing.

After a bit this girl came up to me and said look at those losers they are just standing on the dance floor while people are dancing around them. They did look pretty pathetic. We talked a bit and I asked her name but I did not quite understand it since she was Latin and had a Latin name I could not make out what she said, what with all the loud music and noise. Just then some friends of hers and her girl friend's came in and she started to talk to them so again I just turned away and watched people on the dance floor. After a bit she came back and grabbed my arm and said come on I want to introduce you to my friends. After she introduces everyone to me I turn to her and ask what was your name again? Is it ludicrous? She just busted up laughing again and tried to tell me her name again. By now, she is holding my hand and we started dancing right there. We talked a bit and I told her she has to write her name down so I can pronounce correctly when I call her. She say's, "Call me?" I said, "Yes, since you are writing your name down you might as well give me your number. How else am I going to call you? Oh, and if you have email you might as well give me that also."

She said, that it was cool meeting me and gave me a hug and kiss. She then went back to her friends and I just turned away and called it a night.

It may not have been nice to use the 2 guys wuss behavior to my advantage but it worked.

N from Miami Beach

>>>MY COMMENTS:

LOL... so you went off secretly to a bar alone... hoping that no one would see you testing the materials out for yourself... lol.

Yea, sometimes it's rough when other guys act like Wussy Jackasses...

But hey, it makes your life easier and more fun!

So what the hell, right?

I have to say, one of my personal favorite things to do with women I've just met is make fun of how other guys are acting.

It's particularly fun in these bar-type situations, where you can watch one interaction after another.

Most guys suck at approaching women, and it makes for great humor and conversation.

Of course, talking about how terrible other guys are INSTANTLY separates you from the herd, and kind of puts you in the "NON-WUSS" category all by itself.

Another personal favorite of mine is to tell a girl that she should get together with one of the guys that is acting like a jackass.

"I think you and that Wuss-Boy over there would make a cute couple. He looks like he needs a mom like you to tell him what to do..." etc.

You've done a great job here, now keep it up.

And thanks for the great example. Always remember in these situations that a big scoop of COCKY & FUNNY will make things go well.

In this Mailbag you've heard from a lot of guys who are using my eBook "Double Your Dating" to improve their success with women and dating. It comes with three additional free bonus booklets, and it's a complete introduction to my principles and techniques. Of course, it also comes with a 100% guarantee. Go download your copy here... you can be reading it in literally a few minutes from right now. And be sure to sign up for my free newsletter while you're at it. You can do both here:

• Free Dating Tips Newsletter And Download eBook •


____________________________________________________

David DeAngelo is the author of "Double Your Dating - What Every Man Should Know About How To Be Successful With Women", and has taught thousands of men how to be more successful with women and dating.

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Copyright 2004 David DeAngelo Communications Inc., All Rights Reserved. "David DeAngelo" and "Double Your Dating" are trademarks used by David DeAngelo Communications Inc.

Forgiving an Affair

Forgiving an Affair
by Alina Ruigrok - www.love-sessions.com

The discovery of an affair will attack you with shock, anger and numbness. No matter what way you choose to react, your surroundings will look the same afterwards because you have not yet started coping with what has transpired. You find that you are suddenly lost due to being caught off guard. You never thought this would happen to you. So when it does, what should you do when this painful truth is revealed and how can you forgive it?

The first thing to do when you find out that your partner has been cheating is to allow your emotions to flow out of your body. Holding your feelings in will only make you feel worse and cause a tremendous amount of stress both physically and mentally. Once you have expressed your instant reaction, you can start thinking more slowly and rationally. You will start examining your relationship, wondering where it went wrong and if it was ever as wonderful as you claimed it to be. You will create a chain of questions that have not yet been answered and will start feeling farther and farther away from getting any of them answered. Everything will be sorted out time, but first thing is first… and that is getting your emotions sorted out.

Once your emotions have been expressed and sorted out, it is important to remember to not give the affair more power over your life than it deserves, even though at the time being, it feels like the end of the world. The fact of the matter is, it is not the end of the world, but has changed your world and the way you look at it, which is understandable. Know that your partner’s affair has nothing to do with his or her love for you, nor does it make you a failure in relationships. What the affair does tell you though, is that there are essential issues that need to be addressed. It is normal to be angry and unable to calmly discuss this with your partner, so let him or her know that (without getting violent or throwing them out of course). Let him or her know that you are deeply hurt and angry that they chose an affair as a way to deal with the issues in your relationship and you are not ready to talk about it just yet.

When you are ready, where do you start? It will be difficult to focus on the discussion if you are torturing yourself with visual thoughts of the cheating act. Make an effort to be strong and avoid the unnecessary painful thoughts that will in no way make you feel better or get your relationship back on track. You know what goes on when two people are intimate, so save yourself the details you already know and spare yourself the hurt. The focus is to find and establish the reasons for the affair and ways you can move on with your lives together, with a new and improved affair proof relationship. Good communication will be the key to your road to recovery, so be sure to ask the right questions, listen with undivided attention and understanding, as well as answering the questions you are asked and finding suitable solutions on how to prevent the same event in the future.

Anger, as well as other emotions, will arise while you and your partner attempt to make things right and better. You may blow up during discussions because your mind will re-fresh your memory of how your partner had the guts to betray you and how stupid, hurt and disrespected it made you feel. Your partner (the afairee) may also become upset because of your non-stop attacks on him or her, especially if they confessed and genuinely apologized. Before attempting any conversations regarding the affair, be sure that you and your partner agree to disagree and express anger. You both need to have patience for each other’s feelings, for it will take time to get past the emotional outbursts. If things start getting out of control and you find yourselves no longer talking, but only yelling and blaming instead, end the conversation and give each other some space. You may need to do this several times until you can talk without such interruptions. Take it one step at a time. After all, if you and your partner have made a decision to make things work, then there is no need to rush and panic.

After you and your partner get everything out in the open and understand the roots of the affair, you can then concentrate on re-building the trust and forgiving once and for all. Forgiving your partner does not mean you will forget what happened, but it will mean that you have accepted what transpired and are ready to move forward without bringing the past into your future as a couple. It will be difficult for you to blindly trust your partner again, but you must make an effort, as well as your partner. Your trust will strengthen as time goes by and through the convincing actions of your partner. You cannot put your partner on a leash and monitor him or her 24 hours a day, and you shouldn’t want to. Do not expect things to magically improve, because you will be disappointed. Re-building the trust, passion and strength in your relationship will take a reasonable amount of time and could even require counseling if you feel you cannot make it on your own.

Re-building your self-esteem will help you forgive the affair as well. Being betrayed can do great damage to the way you feel about and look at yourself. You may feel less attractive physically and not worthy enough both mentally and spiritually. Get in touch with yourself and terminate your insecurities by finding ways to replenish the perspective you have on your being. Continue to tell yourself that an affair does not change the wonderful person you are and you are just as beautiful, desirable, intelligent and respectable as ever.

To avoid getting pulled back into the past, set your mind and heart on creating new memories together. Exploring new happiness will help your relationship mend and move on greatly. Go on dates, get romantic and become better friends than before! Make a permanent note in your mind that nobody is perfect but everyone deserve forgiveness for their mistakes. Try putting yourself in your partner’s shoes and think about the pain and regret they are going through and how much they love you. He or she knew it was wrong to do before they did it, but probably felt it was their only way to cope with their troubles at the time. If you have been genuinely apologized to and promised that it will never happen again, then open your heart and give him or her a chance. You obviously love your partner and he or she loves you, which is why you have decided to forgive and move on. So work as a team and be each other’s strength in putting the past behind you, looking at it as a learning experience in which will assist you in making your love affair-proof from this point on.

Alina Ruigrok is an independent relationship expert for http://www.love-sessions.com helping those in need of dating, love, relationship, marital, sexual and other personal advice through e-sessions.

Tracking down your Soul Mate

Tracking down your Soul Mate
by Alina Ruigrok - www.love-sessions.com


Sure, we all dream about meeting the right person. . . the one that we are meant to be with forever. Dreaming about it is all fun and easy, but the real question is, where do you find this soul mate of yours? Fate? Well yes, if you believe in fate, then yes, it will have something to do with it, but not without effort on your part. Fate needs you to give it direction so that as a team, you can find the person you have always wanted as a part of your life.

The first thing you have to do before finding your soul mate, is finding yourself. What qualities are important to you? What are your morals and beliefs? How do you show your affection and how do you expect it to be presented to you? These are questions necessary for you to ask yourself before going out there. Giving yourself an interview will make things clearer of what type of person you are really looking for, instead of just going on a blind search.

It is very common for a person to date people just for "dating". While dating is a fun and useful experience, it is not advisable to just go out with anyone just to have a date, or to enter a relationship because you do not want to be alone. When you go out on a date, it is important that you use that date as an opportunity to observe and see if the person is someone you would like to see again and if they carry the qualities you are looking for. If, for example, if you are searching for a person who is in touch with his or her romantic side, but go on a date with someone who likes acting rough at baseball games and loves hunting, then you could pretty much see where the relationship would go. You should be able to sense these qualities after a few dates.

Once you have realized that these dates will not lead to a relationship you have dreamed of, then obviously the person is not your dream mate either, and it would be best if you stop seeing each other to prevent any misleading expectations. Continuing to date someone just because you entered a comfort zone or do not want to hurt their feelings will only hold you back from meeting who you are really meant to be with, not to mention waste precious time for both you and your date’s. Gently break it to him or her that you find them to be a very interesting and nice person, but you feel like going solo for a while and then move on.

Tracking down your soul mate will require patience; so do not feel frustrated or hopeless if you do not find him or her in a certain amount of time. Good things take time to be brought together and you will come together when the time is right. The time becomes right when you look out for the right signs.

Such signs would be:
1.Being strongly attracted to each other physically.
2.Being strongly attracted to each other’s personalities.
3.Having common interests.
4.Sharing the same values.
5.Major respect for one another.
6.Someone who makes you feel truly special and worthy.
7.Someone who puts in a great effort to show you their passion for you and the things that is important in your life.
8.Meeting on the same emotional levels.

These are some major and important signs to look out for when trying to track down your soul mate. It will not be difficult to realize because you will know when things are right and the way you want it. When you have found such a person, it is good for you to remember to take things one-step at a time. Sometimes people jump in too fast and end up getting hurt or realizing they jumped to conclusions a little too soon. Take it slow and observe how things are going. See if the person who seems to be perfect in every way for you, remains to carry the same qualities as the relationship proceeds.

When time has proven that the two of you are truly compatible in ways you have always dreamed of, then the relationship may go to the next level and the two of you can make a serious commitment and start focusing on building a future together. Like before, it is important that you pay attention to how you handle a commitment together and if you both agree on what kind of future the two of have in mind. Staying on the same levels is a huge sign that you are with the right person.

Finding your soul mate will the best accomplishment you will ever make, but it does not stop there. Finding the right person is just the beginning. Keeping the right person takes work too, on both your parts. The two of you will have to continue valuing each other for the rest of your lives, respecting each other’s individuality and dreams. Refresh your memory of how the two of were brought together and why you both decided to make a commitment to one another. As long as you keep the magic between you alive, your relationship will continue to grow the love and care you both never imagined could ever happen to you!

Alina Ruigrok is an independent relationship expert for http://www.love-sessions.com helping those in need for dating, relationship, marital, sexual and other personal advice through e-sessions and telephone.

Conquering your Jealousy

Conquering your Jealousy
by Alina Ruigrok - www.love-sessions.com

Jealousy. It may only be a simple word, but does not have such a simple definition behind it. There are many reasons we feel jealous and though it is a normal human emotion to feel, it tends to get out of control if we fail to tame it. In order to tame it and control it however, you will first have to learn where your jealousy is coming from. There is always a cause for jealousy to arise and once you have those causes figured out, controlling it will become easier.

When your jealous emotions come out, all you know is that you are feeling that way, correct? That is where you need to stop! It will be hard to remember, but you must take a pause every time you feel jealous and ask yourself why you feel that way. Does it have something to do with your own self-esteem, or does the person you are in a relationship with provide you with good reasons to feel this way? Speaking of self-esteem, jealousy is a good way of lowering it. So no matter what the reasons may be, it is extremely important for you to conquer it, otherwise it can do great damage to your self-esteem.

Once you figure out where your jealousy is coming from, you will then need to discover why it makes you feel jealous. For instance, if you figured out that it makes you jealous when your boyfriend or girlfriend talks to the opposite sex, then you need to discover why it makes you jealous. Did you have an experience in a previous relationship that now causes you to feel jealous with similar situations, or do you just have a fear of being betrayed? If so, why does that fear exist? Is your self-esteem a little lower than you thought? As you can see, there is a huge line of questions that need to be asked and answered in order for your jealousy to be conquered and under control. Acknowledging it is the first and important step, so you are already on the right and smart track!

Once you have realized where your jealousy comes from and what causes it, you can then concentrate on keeping it in control and hopefully get rid of it. If the reason has somethingTo do with your partner, then it is best to have a serious conversation with him or her about it. Do not be afraid or feel stupid for feeling the way you feel. You have the right to express yourself and they are entitled to knowing what is making you feel jealous. If they truly care about you, they will work on ways to prevent you from experiencing such emotions. It is also a good idea to make an appointment with yourself and find ways you can improve your self-love and health, so that you can gain more strength and confidence, and be ready fight off such jealousies when they come to surface.

Toning down your jealousy and possibly getting rid of it for good will take time. It all depends on the situations and reasons. If having a flirtatious partner makes you jealous and your partner stops flirting, then it may be easier to overcome. However, if your jealousy is coming from a different area such as your competitive nature towards other women, then it will be more difficult. It is very common for women to feel jealous of each other’s physique, success and relationships. The best way to fight this jealousy off is to improve your own self-health and lifestyle. Do things that boost your confidence. If you feel jealous of what great shape another woman is in and the attention she gets, then perhaps you should focus on yourself rather than her success. Concentrate on finding ways to satisfy yourself both physically and mentally.

Learning how to handle your jealous emotions will be a huge influence on how your situations will turn out. Combine your jealousy with a more rational emotion so that you can keep it from going overboard. If you combined it with an equally or almost equally stressful emotion such as anger, you will only push yourself back from reaching the outcomes you really want and are looking for. You could end up making a decision that will leave you feeling worse.

To keep yourself on the right track of jealousy conquering, just remember these steps:

·Acknowledge your Jealousy.
·Ask yourself where it is coming from.
·Question why it makes you feel Jealous.
·Make self-health and lifestyle changes that will assist you in fighting it off.
·Combine jealousy with a more rational emotion.
·Practice!

As long as you keep those steps in mind and follow them, you will learn how to take control of your jealousy instead of it controlling you. The last step is important . . . practice! You know the saying, practice makes perfect. So if you continue to practice these steps, controlling this stressful emotion will become easier and easier, until you have become a total master at it. Taking control of your emotions will make you the leader and not follower of your emotions, which can prevent you from entering many unwanted territories, such as break ups, low self-esteem, depression and even an increased amount of jealousy. You will be able to focus on the more important topics in your life and see things with a more clear and open mind, which will guide you into making better decisions and finding better solutions to the obstacles you will face in your relationships and life in general.

Click on the address to make a comment on this article: info@love-sessions.com For private and expert advice, go here.Alina Ruigrok is an independent relationship expert for http://www.love-sessions.com helping those in need of dating, love, relationship, marital, sexual and other personal advice through e-sessions.

Enhancing your Self-Esteem

Enhancing your Self-Esteem
by Alina Ruigrok - www.love-sessions.com

Your self-esteem plays the biggest role in your life and influences your thoughts, ideas and decisions. You hear time and time again about how important having a high self-esteem is, yet most of us tend to find ways to lower it and keep it as low as it can possibly get. The reason behind this behavior is simply that you do not give yourself the credit you deserve and have not made yourself a true friend to your being. In getting to know and love yourself, you will then determine whether or not you are stable enough to enter in a relationship. In order to become one with someone, you need to be whole on your own.

Let us begin with your physical being first, since that is what society looks at most. How do you feel about your physical appearance? Most likely, you will first point out the things you do not like about yourself. Well, you are not alone. Almost everyone automatically puts himself or herself down first when looking in the mirror. Have you ever stopped and observed the things you do like about your physical self? You probably have not. It is time to start doing that. The next time you look at yourself, find the physical qualities you like and accept in your being. Why are we so hard on ourselves? Well, the truth is, we were not born with the attitude of putting our selves down. We adapted and taught ourselves to do so when we watched what being perfect meant in the eyes of others. We are constantly being flaunted with people who are thin, big on top, muscular, small waists and long legs on television and other advertisements, that we got convinced into believing that we must look a certain way in order to be admired, accepted and perfect in society. Remember, beauty and perfection is in the eye of the beholder and you should be that first beholder.

When you look at yourself in a mirror, all you see is the outside, but who is that person looking back at you? What does that person like and dislike? What goals does that person have? What are his or her hobbies? How could another being get to know you, if you do not even know yourself? What do you have to offer? Nothing if you lack the knowledge and information of who you are! This is why going through a self-check is important. You must dig deeper than your physical existence in order to realize your true self. Enter your mind and soul and find out what really makes you the person you are. If you have nothing to offer as far as your being is concerned, how can you have a relationship? You cannot!

Not all negatives thoughts are bad. Sometimes, occasional negatives thoughts help us open doors for improvements in our lives, which is wonderful. It is always important to remember not to give those negative thoughts more focus though. Pay most attention to the positive things about yourself and about the good things that are going on in your life.

Is it hard for you to fill your head with positive thoughts most of the time? Then you need to see what is getting in the way of it. Do you put yourself in situations that make you neglect the positive thoughts? Take a look at how you feel when doing certain things, and if they keep you from feeling positive…get out of that situation!!! What you then need to do is start looking at the beautiful things about life. Spend time with people who make you feel good and feel good about themselves, of course! You could even read books that make you feel great after reading them, because after reading them, you will put them down and look at the world in a more positive way, with much positive thoughts. Only you know what truly makes you feel good about life and yourself, so start providing yourself with those things. Give yourself the make over your mind and soul deserve!

Take pride in the things you have done and the things that you know and continue to learn. Never look at yourself as less intelligent as others or stupid for not knowing certain things. You are not Superman and neither is anyone else. No one can possibly know every single thing there is to know. What you know is what you took an interest in knowing and that is what builds your special character and you should be joyful about it. If you want people to respect you and consider you knowledgeable, then you yourself need to believe and realize that you are respectable and full of knowledge (and you are once you have looked for it and found it). When you feel good about yourself, you have a high self-esteem and when you have a high self-esteem, you shine and tell people how to treat you through your actions and behavior. If you go some place knowing what you need and what you want without fearing to ask for it, people will see and know that you are confident and intellectual because you know what you want and they will respect you for it.

So make time to dedicate your efforts into making yourself feel more confident and more attractive both physically and intellectually, and do not make excuses for yourself. Once your self-love has been discovered, you will then be able to give other people the attention and concentration they deserve. When two people have complete and stable self-health, they can complete each other in many ways they never thought possible! Be the best you can be and do you and your partner or future partner a favor by knowing and loving yourself so that when they are in the picture, you may fully offer and give yourself to them.

Alina Ruigrok is an independent relationship expert for http://www.love-sessions.com helping those in need of dating, love, relationship, marital, sexual and other personal advice through e-sessions.

10 Love Making Tips and Insights Women Want Men To Know That Will Drive Them Crazy With Passion Are Revealed!

10 Love Making Tips and Insights Women Want Men To Know That Will Drive Them Crazy With Passion Are Revealed!
by Shawn Nelson, MSA.(c) 2005. All Rights Reserved.

Women want better love making and more intimacy from men. While it is not a difficult task, very few men take the time to understand what women desire. It is easy improve the love making and intimacy in any relationship when you know what to do.
For hundreds of years, women have told men exactly what they needed to know to improve their lovemaking and increase the intimacy.

A study by the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction concluded approximately 25 percent of women were sexually frustrated.

The common reason assumed by most people is the physical interaction with men is not sufficient to stimulate women. However, anyone with experience can tell you most problems stem from the lack of sexual interest and emotional issues.

With a lot of men focused on the act of sex they overlook things that could increase the sexual desire of the woman, possibly deal with the emotional issues and improve the love making and intimacy.

“The sad part is there are easy and simple things any man can do that will improve his love making and increase the intimacy within his relationship,” says Shawn Nelson, MSA, the author of the 10 Steps To Better Love making and Intimacy Guide for Men “The good news is it only requires a little effort and consistency.”

Ask any psychologist, relationship therapist or marriage counselor and they will tell you most relationships have problems in the areas of sex, love making, intimacy, finances and children.
Therefore, this issue will not disappear for many centuries. What is a man to do? How can he improve the love making and bring back the intimacy that has been lost?

The best thing a man could do is to slow down and recall what attracted him to his lady. He must find that spark and get it burning like a barn fire again.

Once a man finds that spark he must implement a few simple ideas that would demonstrate to his woman, “I thought about you today! You're important to me!” That's it! Unfortunately, this rarely occurs with men.

To learn more, visit the 10 Steps To Making Love, Better Love Making and Intimacy Guide for Men web site and get a free sample.
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Shawn Nelson, MSA is a Motivational Speaker and Life Counselor who creates guides, e-Courses and run several web sites that help people achieve their relationship, personal, life and professional goals. To learn more visit http://www.mrgoodman.com/

Prescription for a Broken Heart

Prescription for a Broken Heart
by Alina Ruigrok - www.love-sessions.com

Being heartbroken is a pain that no one can understand until they have experienced it for themselves. You obviously have, therefore are aware of how fragile your heart is right now. Healing a broken heart will take time, but is not impossible, though it may feel that way at the time. It is never an easy process to go through, but with the right prescription, you will be on your way to recovery and happiness again.

The first thing you should keep in mind is that it is okay to feel sad and grieve about what happened and that you are not stupid for doing so. It is perfectly normal to feel sad and cry after a break up. You have invested most of your time and all of your love and interest into your ex-partner; therefore will go through a sad and painful withdrawal. It is notable that you not grieve all on your own. Sure, there will be times when you will just want to be alone and undisturbed. However, it is important that you talk to your friends and family about it. Talking about it is not only healthy, but will mend your heart quicker because you will release the thoughts and facts that are hurting you so much. Seeking professional advice will be a great help to you as well because your mind will open up and see new perspectives and understandings of what happened. It will help you gather your strength, pick yourself up, and find the happiness you deserve to have.

Accepting the fact that you and your ex-partner are no longer together is a necessity if you are going to start mending your broken heart. If you catch yourself unable to function due to constantly thinking about your ex or repeatedly calling or visiting him or her for another chance, then chances are you are suffering from love addiction and should seek counseling. Discontinuing a serious relationship is emotionally challenging and can drive you to do things that are unhealthy for your self-being. To avoid entering such hazardous areas, keep yourself occupied. Go out with your friends and family to help get your mind off the break up. It is best to spend as less time alone as you can in the first few weeks of your breakup so that your emotions can slowly and patiently form back into their normal pattern.

Fight the thoughts that tell you that you are a failure and are to blame for the end of your relationship. When a relationship ends it means that the two of you were no longer compatible and that always takes two, not just you. Instead of beating yourself up over what has transpired, examine your ex-relationship by listing the things you enjoyed most about it and then the things that disappointed you and what you believe really caused the breakup. Look at the relationship as a learning experience and an opportunity to improve your relationship skills, and a way to realize what you truly need and want from a romantic relationship.

Learning to forgive yourself and your ex-lover will speed up the healing process for the reason that you will feel more peaceful and calm about it. Hating your ex will only build up tension and stress in your life, causing your emotions to slow down from getting back to order. One way to avoid bitterness against your ex-partner is to look at the breakup as a favor. Appreciate their honesty of no longer wanting to pursue the relationship, instead of giving you high hopes for a possible future together. It is always an advantage to exit a relationship that had no chances to survive than to be misled.

Conquer your fear of being alone. You need to help yourself understand that it is not abnormal to be on your own and that your values come from who are rather than whom you are with. Teach yourself that there is more to life than romantic relationships by spending quality time with your friends and family. Learn more about whom the other people in your life are and introduce more of yourself to them as well. Go out and do things together and treat yourself to something you enjoy, whether it is your favorite restaurant, shopping, going to the movies, or anything else. Learning to you be your own best friend will not only improve your relationship with yourself, but with others as well. As you begin to discover the other beauties of life and yourself, you will become more stable and stronger to face anything that crosses your path, such as a new relationship in the future.

Before you consider entering another relationship, take a step back and ask yourself why you want to do so. Make sure that you are not entering a new relationship on a rebound. This will only leave you with unfinished emotions and you will never have closure from your former relationship. Never begin a new relationship because you are afraid of being on your own, or feel the need to just be in a relationship. Form a relationship with someone new because you feel strong and secure on your very own and feel that you are ready to attempt a new romance. Take it one step at a time and keep in mind of what your needs and desires are from a person and observe closely to see if they show signs of the qualities you are looking for. As soon as you notice that he or she is not, then get out of it as soon as possible. Learning from your previous relationships will come in very handy because you will be able to prevent similar situations in the future, leading you to meeting the people who fit your description of a perfect partner.

Lastly, remind yourself that love is a wonderful feeling and experience and should not be generalized based on your past experiences. Do not use facts about your ex as a way to judge new people in your life. Leave your past behind you and focus on moving ahead. Get to know new people for who they are, not by comparing them to others, what they are not, or what they could be. Once you have observed their personality, values and everything else, trust yourself to make the right decisions without constantly doubting yourself. If you wish to try having a new relationship, then do so. If you do not however, then do not feel guilty to kindly walk away from the situation. You would be doing both you and the other a person a huge favor and saving time and emotions from being hurt. You have nothing to fear or worry about. After all, there will always be one person who will always love you, appreciate who you are and be there for you. . . and that is YOU.

Click on the address to make a comment on this article: info@love-sessions.com

For advice regarding a broken heart or any other personal issue, click here.

Alina Ruigrok is an independent relationship expert for http://www.love-sessions.com helping those in need of dating, love, relationship, marital, sexual and other personal advice through e-sessions.

Surviving a Long Distance Relationship

Surviving a Long Distance Relationship
by Alina Ruigrok - www.love-sessions.com


Challenging and difficult, though they may not be what we want to hear, are the words that best describe long distance relationships. Keep in mind however, that the words are challenging and difficult, not impossible. Many people choose to give a long distance relationship a try, with the constant curiosity if it was the right decision to make and if it even stands a chance. The truth is, a long distance relationship has just as much a chance of succeeding as any other relationship!

Long Distance Relationships share the same facts as an average relationship. It involves two people who share an interest in each other’s lives, care for one another and of course have a love for each other that they hope will only continue to grow. On the other hand, a long distance relationship does have its differences as well. It takes away your ability to see each other on a frequent note, as well as the choice of being intimate whenever you desire, not to mention that there would be major trust required. Being unable to spend time together in a physical presence makes it harder to hang on to, but does not spell out doom for your relationship.

The first step is to make an agreement of what your expectations are in the relationship and how much of a commitment you are willing to give and receive. If the two of you decide to be monogamous, then it is clear that neither of you will be dating anyone else as long as your romantic relationship exists. Being clear about what you both want is extremely important, especially in a long distance relationship, in order to prevent future misunderstandings and mistakes. Do not feel afraid to tell your partner what you really need and want from him or her, you deserve the chance to speak from your heart and he or she deserves to know the truth and judge whether they can give it to you.

Trust is a major necessity if you wish to have your relationship from a distance. Without trust and honesty, the relationship is in for danger and unsuccessfulness, just as it would be any other relationship. By accepting the challenge of a long distance relationship, you also accepted the fact that you will have to have the trust and faith that your partner will not be seeing anyone else as promised. Being paranoid and accusing will only grow doubts, insecurity and tension between you and none of those three will help the relationship survive successfully.

Keeping each other informed of the friendships you have with other people and the events that take place in your personal life is a great way to keep your relationship alive and healthy; and continues to make your partner a part of your life. It is essential that you receive the same information from your partner as well, so you both feel the same security and satisfaction that you both crave. Be creative with the way you keep in touch, such as calling, e-mailing, faxing and sending cards. Pay attention to how many times a week you are staying in touch as well. If you want your bond to stay strong and loving, you have to hear from one another often, leaving as little room for any of you to start getting paranoid about anything.Although you cannot be romantic towards each other on a physical note, you can still perform romantic acts that will keep the romance department happy. You can do this by sending love letters and poems, having flowers and gifts delivered, or even sending a video of yourself with a loving message.

Reminding your partner of how much you think about and love him or her will score high points, making them miss you more with the constant urge to see you.

Planning reunions play a big part in keeping your relationship exciting, plus serve you the satisfaction of being able to see and touch each other occasionally. It gives you the opportunity to catch up on each other’s life in person and to be able to share physical and intimate activities together, which will fulfill both of your needs and desires. Not re-uniting every once in a while will only damage the relationship you have, so if one of you are not willing to visit the other occasionally, then you may need to question the interest and care your partner has for you and should probably end the relationship and move on. If you and your partner truly want this to work out, then you will both continue to be eager to see each other as often as you can and every time to have the chance to.

Setting a limit of how long you will be apart is a wise thing to do if you do not want to end up waiting forever. There will be a day when you and your partner will have to start planning a serious future, which can only happen when you are living in the same area or perhaps even living together, whichever makes you most comfortable. If none of you are willing to agree on a place to settle and start having a relationship where you see each other on a regular basis, then you can pretty much forget about accomplishing anything out of your long distance relationship. If your partner truly loves you and wants to be with you, then they would not want to wait forever to be with you.

With the right amount of effort and interest on both parts, a long distance relationship can survive the obstacles it will frequently be challenged with. As long as you both refresh your memories of why you chose to do this in the first place, trust each other, inform one another of your personal lives, keep in touch, and visit, your relationship can turn out to be one of the most successful and happy relationships that ever existed. You both will be secure, happy and satisfied until the day comes when you will re-unite for good and build your wonderful future together.

Click on the address to make a comment on this article: info@love-sessions.com

For advice regarding a broken heart or any other personal issue, click here.
Alina Ruigrok is an independent relationship expert for http://www.love-sessions.com helping those in need of dating, relationship, marital, sexual and other personal advice through e-sessions.

How to live a happy and satisfied Life!

How to live a happy and satisfied Life
by Alina Ruigrok - www.love-sessions.com


In each day that passes by, we stand by and witness how our lives are being lived without the full happiness and satisfaction we crave and need. Most people spend their time stressed out, worried and on a constant panic about what needs to be done for their futures, raising their children, wired up over work, school, along with everything else. Does this sound familiar? Well if it does, it is because so many people live with this style and pattern. When you can start living that fully happy and satisfied life?

The only way you can live a happy and satisfied life, is when you start doing things that make you happy and satisfied. Sure, it sounds easy, and can be easy if you just remember to make yourself one of your top priorities. Too many people neglect themselves, feeling that it would be selfish if they took any time out to focus on their own being. While it is good to take care of others and other important things going on in your life, it is mandatory that you never forget about yourself. Discover who you really are and what matters most to you. Living a great life does not just happen. It requires, planning and following those plans to a life that reflects who you truly are.

Most people avoid planning goals and dreams in their lives because they may have a fear of committing to it or failing. They feel that by officially writing it down, they would actually have to go through with pursuing it. This is where you need to rate the importance of your life missions. What is most important to you? Is it losing a certain amount of weight? Getting your degree? Spending more time with your spouse or children? Whatever the reason or reasons may be, just write all of them down. You may feel that making a mental note of your goals and dreams is enough, but you could very well be setting yourself up for disappointment and failure. By writing it down, you will become a visual witness of those goals. Try writing them in an organizer, with a little reminder written in each day.

Setting deadlines for these goals would be a great way to assure they will be accomplished. Avoid disappointment by setting realistic deadlines. For example, if you wanted to lose 10 pounds, do not give yourself a week to do so. You will only torture yourself and become depressed when the week is over and see that you did not come even close to losing the 10 pounds. In fact, you may give up losing weight altogether because of the failure you experienced, simply because your deadline was unrealistic. Take some time everyday to look over your goals and remind yourself of how important they really are to you. Ask yourself why they are important to you too. Knowing that something is important is not enough. You must know the reasons behind the importance of the dreams and goals you have, so that your mind can see it more clearly and understand exactly why it is so necessary to go through with your missions.

Excuses are demons you must learn to fight off if you wish to start living a happy and satisfied life. Most people claim to have many dreams, but say they just do not have the time to approach them. Stop making excuses! You are the only one who holds the power to make a real difference in your life. Sure, we all have busy lives with our careers and families, but nothing takes up 24 hours of your day. So if something is truly important to you, you will be sure to make the time to work on it. You can do this by replacing it with something less important. For example, if you claim you do not have the time to work on the other important goals in your life, perhaps it is time for you to start making close observations on the way you spend your time. If you spend several hours of the day working, studying, and then several hours taking care of house chores and family, what else are you doing with the rest of your day? If you spend a good portion watching television, then you need to cut back on that and use that time to begin and follow an exercise plan you have been thinking to focus on for a long time (or whatever goal it is you have).

Making yourself one of your first priorities is not selfish. It actually is obligatory to do so in order to succeed in the other subjects of your life. Without a happy and satisfied you, there will be no happy and satisfied life, because you will be stressed out and unhappy. You might be consciously ignoring your needs and desires, but your subconscious mind has not forgotten about you and will constantly remind you through stress, anger, sadness, insecurity and feelings of failure.
Start listening to yourself and becoming the best friend and supporter you need. No one is going to work on your happiness for you, so find the power and motivation stored up inside you, and use it to direct yourself into the path of true happiness and satisfaction. You can do anything you set your mind to, and once you have stopped and gotten in touch with yourself, you will learn and realize just how wonderful and capable you really are, and how you always have been. You will not only realize these things, but also begin loving who are more and more, which will not only lead you to achieving the things that make you most happy, but will guide you into a world of many new dreams come true.

Alina Ruigrok is an independent relationship expert for http://www.love-sessions.com/ helping those in need of dating, love, relationship, marital, sexual and other personal advice through e-sessions.

Accomplishing Sexual Greatness

Accomplishing Sexual Greatness
by Alina Ruigrok - www.love-sessions.com

Sexual Intimacy is an experience that blows us all away at first. As a relationship proceeds however, the passionate fire tends to fade and burn out. If you learn to adapt to the new stages in your relationships, you can keep your passion fire burning and experience a sexual greatness you never thought you could accomplish!

The reason sex becomes less mysterious is because it eventually enters a new stage of comfort and familiarity. You and your partner have been together for a certain amount of time and have had the opportunity to explore each other’s bodies over and over again. Not only that, but the two of you continue to follow the same sexual routines, because you already know what certain things satisfies the two of you and therefore you feel safe and fear from trying anything new.

Do not, nevertheless, let new stages scare or have you give up on having a hot and passionate sex life with your lover. In fact, finding that comfort and familiarity in your relationship will help open the doors to new discoveries and experiences. Entering the comfort and familiar stage is wonderful for the reason that it makes you feel. . .well. . comfortable! You have been with your partner long enough to feel safe and comfortable, which means your relationship is open enough to explore new areas and try new things, using the things you already know about each other’s sexuality and desires. Using familiarity to your relationship’s advantage will only bring you new and exciting results.

If you feel like trying something new or wish to explore new areas in the bedroom, you can either talk to your partner about it or take a chance and just try it the next time you are intimate! Talking about sex with your partner does mean that there is trouble in paradise. Many couples fear that if they bring up the sex, it will send out the message that their partner is not good enough and will therefore upset their lover and start a fight. Just be honest about it, combining it with good timing and the right choice of words, of course. Simply tell him or her that you feel close to them and wish to take your intimacy to the next level of new discoveries and even more closeness.

Together, you and your partner can come up with new ideas and suggestions of how you can turn the bedroom into a new destination, taking you to mysterious and sexy places. If you are thinking about throwing in some new ideas without discussing it with your partner the next time you perform sexual activity, it would be advisable to look over your ideas first. If your new ideas seem too unfamiliar and out of character of your usual routine, then perhaps it would be best to talk to you lover about it first. You do not want to scare or shock your partner with something so unexpected and unknown. It could be something they do not believe belongs in sexual activity, or simply makes them too uncomfortable.

Re-Discovering each other is another terrific way to heat things up again. The two of you have seen each other’s bodies so many times; that you probably stopped observing it altogether and just went straight for the deed and mission to orgasm. It is important to remember that sex in humans has everything to do with feeding the minds fantasy. Sex is a very visual activity; so take the time to re-discover your partner’s body, every curve and area that puts together the creature you desire so much. Oh yes, and take your time! Over time in a relationship, people tend to rush and hurry more during sex as if it is a chore. Making love is supposed to be a fun and patient experience. So take the time to observe your lover’s body, kissing every area patiently, expressing the fantasy your mind has for your partner, making it come true.

Paying attention plays a big part in sexual greatness as well. If you are taking it slowly as you should, you will able to notice the expressions your partner is making, which can be a big turn on for you and boost your sexual confidence, motivating you to go on and try new and more things to keep things running smoothly and hot. Keep in mind that you should pay attention to yourself as well. If you wish for an area to be pursued, feel free to request it from your partner. After all, your partner will do his or her best, but is not a mind reader.

Showing your appreciation and care for each other will leave things healthy in the bedroom, making you both look forward to the next time, with the wish to discover each other all over again. Do not just get up and go about your day after you are done. Take the time to let your partner know how wonderful the experience was and how great it made you feel, as well as asking how they feel about it too. Talking about it will bring the two of you closer together, which will result in the both of you craving more and more intimacy.

In order to do all of this though, you must make the time! Too many people claim that they wish to improve their sexual life, but just do not have the time. If heating things back up in your sex life is truly important to you and your partner, then you both will have to make the time to dedicate to your sexual needs and desires. Set up a time when you can talk about it and patiently have a love making session. As time goes by and you get used to your new sexual lifestyle, you will be able to be spontaneous as well. Spontaneity is just as important because it makes things more exciting and comes in handy when you are having the busiest of schedules!

When you and your lover work as a team and put in the efforts needed and wanted to your sexual relationship, you will be able to re-explore all the things you love about each other, as well as finding out things you never knew could make the two of you so wild. Just keep an open mind, be honest about how you are feeling and make the time to approach the bedroom with care, patience and willingness. In time, you will, as a couple, find your secret to making your sex life last in the hottest and sexiest way you could only dream about before.

Alina Ruigrok is an independent relationship expert for http://www.love-sessions.com helping those in need of dating, love, relationship, marital, sexual and other personal advice through e-sessions.

What is your Love Personality?

What is your Love Personality?
by Alina Ruigrok - www.love-sessions.com


It is an obvious fact that we can learn and know what true love is. What we are often not aware of though, is that there are different love trends. Does it even matter if we understand love trends? If we are in a happy relationship, then that means it is all fine, right? Yes and No. Although, your love with your partner might run smoothly for a while, it can take a turn we often never expect. This is why knowing about love trends is helpful.

What may have turned you or your partner on at first, might not be a turn on later. How is this possible if they seemed so crazy over certain things before? The reason is quite simple and reasonable. When we first get involved with people, the attraction and lust is so strong (not that it would not be later), that the way one seduces the other is not truly focused on, but simply instantly appreciated, since they are so drawn to one another.

As the relationship proceeds and the bond builds, you will start getting in touch with your own style of loving and expecting your partner to match up to it. At times, this will be just the case. Couples can share the same love trend, but at other times, they can differ. If your trends do differ, do not look at it as negative, but as a way to combine them and form a creative love trend together. It should not be one way or the other. There is no such thing as the wrong way to love, except for obsession, controlling and abuse, of course-which is not love anyway, although some feel it is.

How do you even come about recognizing the love personality of yours or your partners? It is not difficult, but does require quite a bit amount of observation. Start by making notes of your romantic qualities and ideas of what great romance, sex and seduction is to you. Do you like walks on the beach and dining at cozy, romantic restaurants? Or do you like setting up your sexual activities by setting up a scene and playing along with it, or just going with the flow? By knowing what trend you follow, you will then be introduced to your romantic identity and know what you need from your partner.

There are several types of love trends that you should know about. It will help you come to a deeper understanding of what type of lover you are and your partner as well. People, whose personalities follow the emotional trend, are lovers who pay attention more to the meaning behind things, instead of the thing itself. A man who does not really care for picnics on the beach may still love the event due to the intention behind it. He sees the effort his mate put into it and sees the love and caring meaning that his mate had when the idea was thought of and planned. Emotional lovers are sensitive and love sharing with their partners and are also very spiritual. They do not hold back from expressing their true feelings.

A Creative trend follower on the other hand, may have some of the same traits as an emotional lover, but focuses more on discovering new things and trying them out, taking risks for a bigger thrill. They love to plan and be a part of interesting activities with their lovers because they like going through adventures and new territories together. These types of lovers are found to be quite exciting because they seem to be more mysterious and full of surprises and imagination.
Then you have the traditional trend follower, who likes to follow the rules of what society considers the right way to handle a relationship. They believe in having one partner, following the dating and romance guides to the point (bringing a girl some flowers when picking her up at the door for a date, just to mention one). They also believe in being organized, being financially responsible and planning the events that will take place in their lives with their partners.

Those are the main trends that most people fall into following. This does not mean that a person who has a certain love trend cannot carry qualities from other trends, however. It just means they in general carry that love personality. There is no trend better than the other either. Each trend is unique and interesting in it’s own way. When two people follow the same trend, it is fabulous because they both know exactly what the other is fond of and what to expect as well. There are hardly mixed signals. Having different trends is also a wonderful thing. When a couple has their individual love personality, it opens the door for each one to learn new ways to love expressions and can create a great trend combination!

Considering and accepting our partner’s different trend of love is extremely important to do. If you do not, it will seems like you are just determined to have the romance in your relationship to go your way, by your trend. This will definitely cause unhappiness and have a very high possibility for your mate to back away from romance with you, because he or she will feel that there is lack of attention towards their needs and trends concerning romancing. So remember to be considerate and learn to adapt to their ways too.

It feels fabulous when our lover is being considerate of our trend, respecting it, following it with us often. You cannot be the one always being considered however. You will then become what is called a Constant Receiver. Constant Receivers are always on the look out for themselves. They never look beyond their trend and the needs that are involved with it. They always observe whether or not they are getting what they need and want from their lovers, and if they feel they could be getting more, they grab more. What about your partner? What are his or her needs? Have you even considered what their trend is about and how you can compromise and follow theirs sometimes? Never let these questions go unnoticed. If you find yourself being a constant receiver, it does not mean you are a bad person, but that you have been a little careless. When you realize this, stop yourself and look deep down. You will probably realize that you are aware of your over receiving, and have been so flattered by it that you got carried away. Once you have sorted this out, you can start returning the favor back to your partner.

Being a Constant Giver also has its down side. Yes, you would be always pleasing your partner, but what about you? Is having your trend considered not important? Of course it is! Do not be too furious with your mate if this happens. Just remember what you just learned about Constant Receivers. Your mate most likely did not ignore your trend needs on purpose, but just got carried away with being pampered. After all, you did you create this situation when you were over giving! So many people fall under this category of giving too much. This is because most people believe it is more important to please their lovers than having their own needs and wants fulfilled. Caring about pleasing your partner is good, but disowning your own romantic identity and needs, is not. Get back on track by getting your guilt in order first. Know that you should not feel guilty for wanting or needing something from your partner. You are entitled to having those needs fulfilled. You also should not look at giving as the good thing, while receiving is the bad thing. They are both good when equally exchanged. Start bringing your romantic trend and needs to your mate’s attention. You can do this by bringing up a good movie that is coming out and letting them know that you really want to see it. Re-teach them that they should give too, instead of always receiving from you.

Just highlight the fact that there are different love trends and that they are all unique and deserve to be followed and participated in. As a couple, you will not only please each other, but learn more about the other as well! As long as you do not forget this and understand the importance of an equal share between giving and receiving, your combination of love personalities will live in a content environment.

Alina Ruigrok is an independent relationship expert for http://www.love-sessions.com/ helping those in need of dating, love, relationship, marital, sexual and other personal advice through e-sessions.

Are you Addicted to Bad Relationships?

Are you Addicted to Bad Relationships?
by Alina Ruigrok - www.love-sessions.com

Do you often find that you involve yourself in relationships that disappoint you? Are you not getting what you need and desire from the people you choose to date? Does there always seem to be something missing? If you answered yes to one or all of those questions, you could very well be addicted to disappointing and bad relationships, setting yourself up for failure without even knowing it. There are ways you can determine whether you are addicted or not, and ways you can break the addiction and start getting what you have always wanted from a relationship.

Before we cover the symptoms of addiction, it is important that we cover the dangers of staying in a bad relationship. Since bad relationships lack what one or both partners’ need, stress becomes a regular part of your life, as well a gradual lowering of your self-esteem, which will make you unable to focus on your career and personal life with the concentration and care needed, in order for you to be happy. The constant stress will produce chemical changes in your body that drain your energy and make you more eligible for physical illnesses. Physical abuse in a relationship is obvious to cause a lot of physical harm, along with great psychological damage, but in spite of these facts, many people still choose to proceed with such relationships, finding themselves trapped and incapable of leaving. They find themselves depressed, on a search for some relief and unfortunately becoming depressed and possibly turning to drugs and alcohol.

So what are the symptoms of this addiction? Ignoring the truth would be one. If you truly know that the relationship you are in is making you unhappy but make no effort to exit from it, then you are in denial and are holding yourself hostage in a situation you do not have to be in. Making excuses for your partner’s disappointing and bad behavior will keep you trapped and is another huge symptom of bad relationship addiction, especially if the excuses you produce do not back up the facts and are unrealistic. If you do finally build up the courage to confront your partner to leave him or her but are overcome with fear and therefore back off from the confrontation, you are a high and sure victim of addiction because no matter what you attempt, you find yourself always giving in and holding on to what you know is bad for you. Suffering from both physical and mental discomfort once broken up, unless you get back together, is yet another symptom of addiction and should not be denied or ignored.

What causes addiction to bad relationships? There are several levels and everyone’s addiction is different and varies. One common reason is the feeling and belief that if you end the relationship, you will never find anyone else who could possibly be interested in you or love you. You grow so attached to your partner that you forgot your life before him or her, making you feel fearful of being on your own and taking care of yourself. Fear of criticism is another reason many people remain in bad relationships. They are afraid of what people will say, believing that ending a relationship means that they are a failure and being alone is unacceptable and terrifying. Other reasons may be financial support that you are receiving from a partner, making you feel that you should tolerate bad behavior from your lover, since they are supporting you. Having a child together can also blind you or cause you to deny a bad relationship, making you feel guilty for leaving your child’s mother or father. On a deeper level, you could be addicted to disappointing and bad relationships due to your upbringing or experiences as a child yourself. Perhaps you were not nurtured or loved enough and you now think it is normal to be neglected from love, care and understanding.

What should you do and how can you break a bad relationship addiction? Since this addiction is difficult and basically impossible for you to end on your own, counseling would be the best assistance for you. Find a counselor or service in which experts provide their services through, and take that first step in accepting the fact that you have an addiction and that you need and want help to conquer it. Start being a best friend to yourself and open the door to all the feelings you have kept locked up for so long. Stay focused and encourage yourself frequently by setting a goal, and picturing yourself away from all the disappointment and closer to all the happiness and good health you need, desire and deserve as a person. Never give up and know that you are not alone. There are people who can help you, know how to help and will help you. Mainly, keep in mind that there will always be a person who will be by your side and never leave you, always giving you the strength, love and support you need…and that person is YOU.

Alina Ruigrok is an independent relationship expert for http://www.love-sessions.com/ helping those in need of dating, love, relationship, marital, sexual and other personal advice through e-sessions.

Recipe for a Healthy Relationship

Recipe for a Healthy Relationship
by Alina Ruigrok - www.love-sessions.com


First off, it is important to ask yourself what you consider a real relationship to be. You need to understand what your needs and desires are from another person, and what you are willing to give them. This way, you can see early in your first dates, if you wish to continue and work towards a future together, and if the other person feels the same of course (both sides count).

Once you have decided to have an official relationship, you both need to remember what brought the two of you together in the first place. For instance, what attracted you to each other both physically and emotionally? What do you admire about his or her personality? This will help not taking the other for granted, which can often happen after two people have been together for a long time. This does not mean the love is fading, but it does mean that there is lack of effort. People tend to get lazy after a while, because they feel comfortable and safe. This problem can be solved when both people are willing to make the time and effort.

Everyone is independent in their own beliefs and ideas about things, so never expect a person to always see things your way. However, it is important to have similar expectations out of a relationship, if you wish to avoid frequent arguments. Look for things like whether or not it is important for the both of you to see each other everyday, or have sex often. While seeing each other on a daily basis seems wonderful and healthy to some people, others may feel smothered and need space to have some alone time. Or if sex is on the top of your list, but is not on your partners, you might want to consider that, unless you do not mind waiting or taking care of yourself once in a while…depending on how long you have to wait!

Patience is one of the main keys to a healthy relationship. There are times when our partner will not respond in a way in which is pleasing to us, but this does not mean we have to take it so seriously or personally. Always slow down, take a deep breath and think of reasons why your partner may be acting a certain way. Assuming and jumping to conclusions is always an unhealthy step to take because it shows your partner that they are not entitled to act freely and they feel attacked, not to mention it shows that you automatically assume the worst of them. Give your partner some time and let them know that you will be ther